What is the engagement (khitbah) period and what etiquette governs it?

The khitbah is the period after a marriage proposal has been accepted in principle but before the nikah contract is formally concluded; it is a promise to marry, not the marriage itself. Because the couple is not yet married, the normal rules of unrelated men and women apply during this time: they are not permitted to be alone together in seclusion, to touch, or to behave as spouses, even though families may allow supervised meetings so the couple can talk and assess compatibility. The Quran addresses a related situation — hinting at a wish to marry a woman still in her waiting period — permitting a subtle, respectful expression of interest while forbidding any secret understanding reached before her iddah ends, which illustrates the broader principle that engagements should be open and dignified rather than concealed. Either party may honorably end an engagement if they sense incompatibility, since it is a mutual intention rather than a binding contract, though breaking it after gifts or a mahr portion have been exchanged can raise questions about returning them, which families are encouraged to settle amicably.

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